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This Is What It Sounds Like When …

Purple Rain

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Cameraman fired for being a jerk to co-worker, a dick to another

After 4 years, the cameraman who filmed popular news anchor wardrobe malfunction reveals he was terminated for the fiasco.

Panning a camera results in a motion similar to that of someone shaking their head from side to side. The perfect description of the following:

In May of 2012, Sara Eisen, then co-anchor of Bloomberg TV’s Bloomberg Surveillance, had an embarrassing on-air moment where she was caught with her dress hiked up, exposing a Big Black Contrivance strapped to her thigh.

While there was never an official public address of what the device was, a mic transmitter, a dildo, a gun holster, a shake weight in recharge mode, a flashlight, a lamp, a penis GPS locator, an umbrella, prosthetic leg, Amazon echo, from neither Eisen or Bloomberg, they did privately address who they felt was responsible for its live TV appearance, Richard Hewitt, the cameraman. “They fired me because they didn’t like my answer to why I cut Sheila Dharmarajan off mid-sentence and panned right. I said I was operating the camera with one hand. Can you believe those idiots thought I was being sexually suggestive? It was a mistake! When you are looking through the eye-piece you have zero peripheral vision, especially when she was on the right and being blocked by the camera. So, how was I suppose to know what she was doing? We always did the sweeping camera motion for the Markets Desk segment, where we got the anchor opinions on money matters.”

Hewitt, who has sold insurance since the firing, said although he’s been in the film industry for years admits to not being entirely certain what the round black tube was. “It was Brian Williams between her legs.”

Built atop:

  • Above video

What do you think the Big Black Contrivance was?

WordPressident #8

Secret handshake doorknob fingernail in keyhole
Secret shhh sounds of the ocean fisheye lens peephole
Door opens ehhh ship my pants watching shit’s creek/creak flow
Crying a river tears salty crackers Soylent Green is people
We gotta stop them somehow, Detective Thorn stood tall
I’m doing my part, making good calls
Like when this hood broad stripped everything she could off, unhooked bras
On cam nudes tons/Cam Newton captioned one photo “load my box with your foot…balls”
I said they don’t call me Passport Bear for nothing/nuttin’ and took off
Leave need ta fish her/Lenita Fisher troubled water is the place to be
Gotta do what I can do/candle too much pondering and it’s too late/lake for me
Cause some pool shark already dock ter/daughter and if the current don’t leave the cat alone uh/Catalonia like a bat I’m gone ’cause I can handle one but two not what my population needs
Come on safety please, talks of moving on, boyfriend trails her/trailer making me
Think Ock her man/Aquaman not in the picture I guess I gotta wait and see/sea
March 25th? Try April, these …
Matters are very taxing, an-noying
The one word that stopped country grammar from being the black girl with the Asian name boyfriend
Thought I took an arrow to the heart, fun gurney/journey adventure
It’s funny cause she has a knee problem as if she took one and got injured
I mean, was I wrong for thinking joint venture?
If somebody came back in your life after 3, 4 years wouldn’t you think y’all would go from natural to dentures?
And before you declare me a dead man coming for my chin cause I went at your shins you should know I’m a leg man
And whether true or false you called yourself Aquafina because you stay wet mam
I don’t go chasing waterfalls like them scrubs you use to my humor is just deadpan
Dish it out but can’t take it
Expressionless at who ya wanna leave faceless
So when you see me form a fist I’ma steal on ya and yell I GOT YA NOSE
Then pull that stick out like a sore thumb and beat you so bad with it POP ya whole …
family tree fall like leaves except timber/September she ought umm/Autumn roll
But before I say goodbye no wordplay Saela I miss ya
I rather write a third poem than a third blog war, dismissal/this missile

Kiss Peace 💋✌🏾

WordPressident #7 

Baby, lets talk
Yesterday I searched the meaning of my name
Google/googoo gaga/God God/gah gah
Expressed exasperation in exclamation, boohoo blah blah
Cause I was wrestling with it being a Christian name but here’s what took the Edge off
The meaning, totally reeked awesomeness, I hand-in-waistcoat posed for 5 seconds, keshessshhh or chachzzz, how do you write the noise a camera makes? Let’s have a spell off
This is what I read off, Wikipedia, Harold is derived from Hereweald here “army” weald “leader”
The new letters in my name made me go weee but the O went dark like periods, full stop era girl features
They’re either, but from the derivative let’s carry on pal, the diminutives is Harry and Hal
With 6 days remaining before January is out the dictionary has crowned …
One the word of the day I’ll let you shoulder time browsing
But just note, today, I used it in a sentence so much I lost count it’s over 9 thousand
But let’s not drag on about me, me, let’s talk about you, yeah you, ballsy/ball Z, could ya be more ballsy?
The customer is always right, yeah from 3 to 9
But at 9:01 in the 901 a right to the customer would’ve got me 3 to 9
But my feet are fine ’cause I’m sitting on my ass all day
Warehouse? Unless it’s a TV inside my closet, speaking of that, hallways
Revealed a page, I’m thinking what is this cause my bills are paid, pest control already did their deal and sprayed
I pick up the note from that wide ass gap and it revealed a fate
Tiredrun Parkinsons/Tyrone Parsons is no longer employed where I live and stay
I’m thinking this can’t be real, a prank
But when I saw the edges of that same letter underneath my neighbor’s door
I knew the lights that shine through the cracks was just that and not a tape record
But I don’t know if I’m on the same accord about the smoke detector looking over where I make the score
But that smile wasn’t safe no more ’cause my grandma went to the hospital at 7 she was aching sore
I checked on her at 10:30 and she STILL HASN’T BEEN-, say no more
You should get every nickel back from the insurance you’re paying for ’cause what are you, what are you, what are you waiting for?
(Ssswowwww)
Make doctors nurses patients, then make their family members impatient, boy!
(Ouchhhhhh)

Why Lemonade Costs 5-0-C

FADE IN

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

COP

I bet you didn’t know that woman you gave your number to was an undercover cop, did you?

SUSPECT 1

That bitch!

COP

That’s Officer Lana Manor to you!

SUSPECT 1

If that’s the case, ask her why she wouldn’t initially give me her number. She said I didn’t look like I sell drugs.

COP

Well, you sure as hell convinced her when you sent her a picture text of 10 ziplock bags of cocaine.

SUSPECT 1

Like I told you a thousand times, that was sugar.

SUSPECT 2

Officer, I’m the one who sell drugs. Not him. I’m the one you want. Just let him go.

COP

Snitching on yourself? I guessed you didn’t wanna keep your mouth closed long enough for him to open his and snitch on you, huh?

SUSPECT 1

I wouldn’t do that!

SUSPECT 2

He wouldn’t do that to me. We’ve known each other since the 3rd grade. We’re best friends. I just believe in you do the crime you do the time, and he didn’t actually commit one. Why should the innocent get 10 years in jail just for being associated with the guilty?

SUSPECT 1

Officer, if you search the home, in the kitchen, in the cabinets, you will find those same bags in that text there. I kept the sugar in ’em.

COP

So, you’re telling me how to do my job? Because I did it.

The COP walks to the door and knocks. Another detective walks in the room, holding a tray with 10 ziplock bags and a pitcher. 

COP

My daughter made this lemonade.

SUSPECT 1

(smiles) I’m free!!!

SUSPECT 2 leans over to SUSPECT 1 and whispers, “I emptied the sugar out of 3 of the bags and bagged it up with the dope.” SUSPECT 1 jaw drops.

SUSPECT 1

Hey, man, can you just take my word for it?

COP

No, because if this isn’t sugar, you will also be charged with forcing an officer to take drugs against his will, getting him addicted, and making him a fiend.

SUSPECT 1

Whet?!

COP

So you’re telling me this lemonade won’t be bitter no more if I do this, right?

SUSPECT 1

I’m not saying that anymore!

COP

Well what are you saying, that you sell cocaine like your buddy here?

SUSPECT 1

Nooooooo!

COP

Well, there’s nothing to worry about, is there?

The COP pours the contents of 3 of the ziplock bags into the pitcher. The suspects hold hands and look on in sheer horror. The COP shifts his eyes back and forth looking at both suspects while he stirs the lemonade with a big spoon. The COP drinks from the pitcher. The suspects are pinching each other on the arm and thigh. 

COP

(spits the lemonade out)

With their heads jerked forward, eyes wide, drool falling from their chin, the suspects anticipate the cop’s next words. 

COP

(wipes mouth) I should’ve used 2 bags. That shit was too sweet! Johnson, throw the rest of them bags away. We eat too many donuts as is. 

FADE TO BLACK