Tag Archives: education

How to outsmart a government grant scammer

Scam Class

Has someone ever tried to scam you over the phone? What they say? What you do? Tell me about your experience.

Advertisements

Where Is It? Oh My God, Where Is It?! Did I Pass or Fail?! I Can’t Find It!

“Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital.”

“What happened?”

“You had a panic attack and passed out when you couldn’t immediately find the results of your Life and Health exam.”

“Why would they make “pass” and “fail” the same font size and color as the rest of the words on the paper?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh my God, did I … ?”

“Yes, you passed.”

I remember leaning over to my elderly neighbor and saying, “I passed, Mary Ann. I passed.”

Learning How To Do Taxes … Again

tax book

 

 

Dear Har-old,

Tax school.

In 2012, you had the money but enrolled in classes too late.

In 2013, you knew the start date but didn’t have the money.

This year was a repeat.

Almost.

You made it!

Don’t let nothing get in the way of your studying. Keep ripping those chapters out your book and reading on your breaks at work. I want this your last year working in a warehouse. 15K minimum on April 15, 2015. What you make invest in startups and YouTube.

At least chapter 14 by October 1st. Don’t worry about if something doesn’t completely register because you’ll still have almost 2 months more to study after classes end first week of November. You passed all your tests thus far with 76 being lowest grade so you’re doing fine.

Speaking of YouTube, you might as well coincide your launch with Fight Club 2. I mean, weight has held you down this long and this past week has been a mess with buffets and fast food. At this point why not be strategic with timing? I want a year’s worth of material (48 scripts) written before launch.

Remember this? Haha!

I.R.S those my wife’s initials.

And if I cheat on her, my life is fish food.

So I’ma remain faithful, I don’t wanna fight an issue.

Cuz shiiit, look at Wesley Snipes, that nigga gotta sleep with his knife and pistol

What a mess? The United States Government they the ones who really cut the check

I be giving her a leg and arm, ouch ouch, I want her fucking head.

Tomorrow ain’t promised, the only life guarantees are death and taxes, enuff is said

A second wife, that’s a no indeed

Think about it, that’s half to her, half to her and a hole in me

Life’s a bitch but I love my bitch, baby everythang gone be okay

I used to think the government taxed people cuz they wanted to be so paid

But they used the money to build churches, schools, stores, parks, and roadways.

Now if I don’t see this new shit while I’m driving I’ma experience road rage

The flag and the White House can go up in flames and burn

If I sound like I’m speaking Spanish, I’ll break this verse down in Laymen terms.

You wrote this as a teenager. Wow!

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. Does it make since to help your human dad with taxes when he didn’t let you borrow the money for classes last year, and didn’t come through again this year?

I’m Not Just A Pretty Face …

Dear Har-old,

Actress Candice Bergen said, “Though beauty gives you a weird sense of entitlement, it’s rather frightening and threatening to have others ascribe such importance to something you know you’re just renting for a while.”

I want you to separate these women:

The woman you can tolerate listening to ONLY if you can see her face.

And the woman you can listen to regardless of seeing her or not.

Why?

Because the first one will die soon; the second one will live forever.

Look like a man; think like a woman.

Your fellow-man approaches that phrase the other way around:

They are the only male student at a all-girl-school with the teachers being ALL men.

Find a woman that invests more in her forever mind than her dying looks.

You can learn something from women if you close your eyes and open your ears.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. Stop looking at that picture!

Why Didn’t I Notice This Before?!

The mythical Mount Olympus in northern Greece....
The view from Mount Olympus

Dear Har-old,

“You’re just like your dad. Y’all watch the same show over and over.”

Then you responded, “Yeah I watch shows at least twice. First time for entertainment. Second time for educational purposes.”

Remember that.

How about you get it the first time?

Ironically, all your favorite detective shows like Monk, Psych, Criminal Minds and SVU have clues in every episode.

But you don’t have your “aww” moment until the last ten minutes of the show.

Then when you watch the re-run, that’s when you get the detective-eye:

You see the things you blinked on before.

The things you missed because you had your focus on the top of the t.v screen instead of the bottom.

The things you missed because you don’t have two t.v’s in the room, so you had to change the channel back and forth to see what was happening on your other favorite show, that just so happened to be on at the same hour.

Next time you watch a NEW episode of a detective type show, work the case from home.

Open eyes. Open ears. Open mind.

Then when those last ten minutes come you will say “I knew it” instead of “aww.”

Watch shows like these to develop your Mount Olympus foresight.

It’s always who you least expect.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new