Tag Archives: food

Chicken Sexer

Raw chicken
Or a white couple on a mission
The drumsticks are her legs wrapped around his waist
As if she’s trying to keep his pants on, haha, too little, too late

The bottom where the cockerel at
Because in 4 minutes the bun in the oven taking the top rack
The oven window fogged up
Opening the door will get ya hot and bothered

Roast chicken
Or a black couple in position
The wings are her arms wrapped around his back
The nails dig in when it’s time to eat, fruit roll-up tongue looking like a snack

Somebody done ate too much
Now you gotta unbutt, unbutt, unbutt
Somebody took many many licks
Now you gotta unzip, unzip, unzip
Somebody had too much sauce
Why don’t you just take your pants off, off, off

YouTube update in comments

Joy Lenz (WordPresident #17)

Digging my grave with a spoon and fork
A shovel looks like a spoon
A rake looks like a fork
But this the spoon I use to stab the cereal with before eating it
This the fork I use to put 4 bullet holes in the film on the Salisbury steak to vent it
Sausage party at my tombstone
Pepperoni face at my tombstone
Cheesing hard by my tombstone
Sausage party at my tombstone
But it ain’t nothing pineapple about that because onions on my tombstone
And they ain’t cheesing hard by my tombstone
To you little caesars, call her pepperoni face one more time, you all fall like dominoes
Wash ‘em with a clean punch
Sounds like the kind of prom Papa John would Red Baron
My baby gotta be fly all around, shit
But if you make me a granddaddy before I turn 80 you forever groun…ded
Give Kunta Kinte your feet
Whip ya like JC After D
I knew I should’ve put your ass on B.C.
Ohh Lawd! Got me failing the spelling bee
I was just teaching you how to say your ABC’s
Went from being my apple head to being somebody’s apple bottom
But you cumming and not leaving is the problem
I got ‘em
I solve ‘em with solutions on a so-so loot man
I salute and ask for bigger problems only if God him got him and it comes with that So-So loot man
Money is a thang, Black accent
Money is a thing, white accent
Money is a tink, Irish accent
Depending on the denomination I sound different putting my money where my mouth is
Shout this … oh no! You have AirPods on and can’t hear me
Strangle you with my EarPods to see which will be the first to fall out near me
Fear me, keyboard warriors think they tough as leather and can get me from Curry long distance
Until I bounce and travel to where they lay up and show ‘em what a real currier is man
Flurries of hits bam
Do you even remember what I said earlier listen?
I’m bringing the beef to your front door
The crust to your backdoor
When I’m done you gone have to Dodo out your side-door
No more locked doors
I’m joking, this now a bad neighborhood
Took a L in your homes, essay in the papers sug-
-ar made him open up, swollen shut, tried to spit out the bitterness, silliness, it’s too late fam’
The walls closed in on the Kool-Aid man
Not a repeat of events what I’m saying
First the glass was everywhere
Then the red liquid is everywhere
Or!
First the glass was everywhere
Then the red liquid is everywhere
That’s two ways planned
Two-face scram
Gym and I? Outta here!

French Fries at the Bottom of the Bag

Comfort food
I come for you
In a conquered mood
What I’m to do?
Don’t play dumb
Like a plate of crumbs
I know you can say some’ so say some’
The way the cheese hang out the burger makes it look like a tongue
Do I gotta compliment you before you will talk to me? Yum!
Now talk to me
Just when I thought you were gone
And I started to feel all alone I found …

French fries at the bottom of the bag (un-huh)
Almost went “Curry for 3” in the trash (un-huh)
French fries at the bottom of the bag (un-huh)
I’ll eat you cold so don’t you feel bad (un-un)

My work I’m doing it, your work I’m doing it
I’m not a boss but, I’m Super Work Bitch
Untuck my shirt my tennis tail becomes a cape
Fuck your clubhouse I got famous on my 15 minute break

Where all my ladies at who spend too much time in the bathroom? Put your brushes and combs in the air. I want you to repeat after me, go …

It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend (go!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend (don’t stop!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend

Okay, now where all my fellas at who spend too much time on the computer writing dirty haiku poems? Put your keyboards in the air! Repeat after me, go …

It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend (go!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend (don’t stop!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend

Get your crown off the ground King (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Queen (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground King (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Queen (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Royal Family (yeah!)
Get your crown off the ground Royal Family
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground

Taco Bell testing out turning hot sauce packets into fortune cookies

Shanghai, China – Yum China Holdings, Inc. (“Yum China,” NYSE: YUMC), and Taco Bell Corp., the world’s largest Mexican-inspired restaurant chain, today announced that they have fine-tuned a Taco Bell favorite for Chinese consumers: putting words of wisdom on the inside of hot sauce packets instead of the outside to remind customers of fortune cookies. Despite the success the brand has had since relaunching (January 2017) its first restaurant in China since 2008, Chief Executive Officer, Micky Pant, still felt like the menu was missing something.

“The menu features Taco Bell favorites that have been adapted to local tastes. We give more of a generous serving of rice in our burritos than Americans receive. We put rice in our taco salads and use soy sauce as dressing, also, including it as a non-alcoholic beverage. Hell, we even brought back the Chihuahua and didn’t cook it, but something still was barking at me,” expressed Pant. “At the time we weren’t selling Mexican fries and I was in the mood for some French fries and Burger King was the closes, being down the street. As I’m driving there I see all these red packets in the road, so many, in fact, I get out my car to clean them from the lane. They were crushed ketchup packets. So, I get there and order. They were so frea-king boring! So frea-king average! How can a place like Burger King get it right when it comes to burgers but so wrong when it comes to fries? They were disgusting! I complained. That’s when it hit me. I took another route back to Taco Bell and was combing through our hot sauce packets and there it was, ‘The road to mediocrity is littered with empty ketchup packets.’ The kind of stuff that tells you the future. Millions of people already collect our packets for the sayings, so all the more reason to tear carefully.”

To help guide customers, Pant stated the new packaging will have a empty white box on the front of the packets, which will be the location of the phrases on the inside.

In the announcement, Pant shared that them making sauce packets into fortune cookies will not hurt Chinese restaurants as much as their entire menu has hurt real Mexican restaurants since 1962. The Yums Brand had nothing but complimentary remarks for Yum’s. “We can never compete with them, okay. While we spend billions to get more than half the US population to see our commercials once a week, they never make them and still serve billions. When was the last time you seen a commercial for a Chinese restaurant?”

Have you ever seen a commercial for your local Chinese restaurant?

Look At My Kitchen

Look At My Kitchen: May 17,2006 

A person who is a restroom is used like a cliche

A person who is a restroom is treated like shit

A person who is a restroom is always pissed off ‘cuz they’re pissed on

Follower look at my kitchen

A person who is a living room is for eyes, not hands

A person who is living room is never used

A person who is a living room shows off when the show is on

Follower look at my kitchen

A person who is a bedroom sleeps on the job

A person who is a bedroom will get enough sleep while they’re alive and when they’re dead

A person who is a bedroom painted over the writings on the wall

Follower look at my kitchen

A person who is a kitchen fries bigger fish and wash bigger dishes

A person who is a kitchen is not judged by the size of their refrigerator, they’re judged by whats in their refrigerator

A person who is a kitchen can take the heat as well as giving the heat

Follower look at my kitchen

The earth is a household that as 4 types of people in it, which one are you?

I am a kitchen – William Hughes

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

 

 

Be honest with people about their cooking on Thanksgiving … even if it increases your rent. 

Resident – Thank y’all for treating residents to an early Thanksgiving. 

Manager – You’re welcome!

Resident – I’m glad I moved here. 

Manager – And we’re glad to have you. 

Resident – My last apartment didn’t do these KIND kind of things for the community. And judging by how packed it is in here it looks like I won’t be the only one without family this year. Looks like every resident is here. Wow! Oooh yeah give me some of that dressing … and oooh the turkey too … and oooh some of those candy yams please … that too … un-huh … yes…. oooh God yes! Okay, thank youuuuu! 

Manager – Sir, where are you going?

Resident – Umm … back to my apartment. 

Manager – There are no to-go-plates. 

Resident – This the plate y’all gave me. 

Manager – There are no TO GO plates.

Resident – Aww that’s why everybody in here? Y’all want us to eat in front of y’all? 

Manager – Well, you’re the first person to try those 2 items. Would you mind telling me how they taste? And you can be completely honest, I didn’t make any of it. 

Resident – The mac-n-cheese slamming!

Manager – Wonderful. And the biscuit?

Resident – Ahhhh! Taste like a brick! I think I chipped a tooth! 

Manager – And that rent increase of $212 taste like tears coming from you! Make sure you put enough salt in it!