Tag Archives: hip hop

EMTs Jump Man Who Thought Rapper DMX Was Being Jumped

Suits bed

Three emergency medical technicians were fined $500 and placed on a year’s probation by a New York judge for their role in jumping a passerby who mistakenly thought they were jumping 45-year-old Earl Simmons, the rapper known as DMX.

Simmons was found unconscious and without a pulse in a parking lot outside a Chinese restaurant. “As I was taking out the trash I hear a loud bark. I turn around and see this dog. It just drops on its back as if playing dead. I thought to myself, ‘oh this is too easy,’ said Sum Ting Wong, the restaurant’s cook. I pull out me trusty Katana Soultaker sword and make my move. The dog jumps up and gives me a chase. It led me to this black guy lying next to a chariot sitting on 28 inches. I call police.”

While the EMT’s were trying to resuscitate Simmons, a passerby, 23-year-old Troi Casey, mistook the exertion of defibrillators for punches. “I didn’t know that was DMX on the ground. I couldn’t see who the person was because the guys in blue was covering up the action. I just saw elbows going up and down. It was 3 on 1 so I decided to even the odds 3 to 2.”

Technically, it was 3 on 3 as nearby witnesses recount Casey grabbing Sum Ting Wong’s Katana Soultaker sword. “One of the EMT’s turns around and see the dude charging at them with the knife and did this Holly Holm roundhouse kick to knock it out his hand. Then what followed was of the greatest mob attacks since the ending of Godfather 2,” said one of the spectators.

Judge Donald Pearl said in a New York courtroom on Friday while it was acceptable for the EMT’s to defend themselves, the basis of the fine and probation stemmed from neither EMT performing CPR after Casey lost consciousness himself. To which one of the defendants replied, “But your honor we already broke a couple of ribs.”

Built atop:

What’s your favorite DMX song?

Tsu Surf to get Charlie Clips Rematch Because Tay Rock used Smack’s Shoulders for Armrest

Smack physically moving Tay Rock's hands off his shoulders when Surf chokes


In an yet-to-be released interview with The War Report, Smack White, the founder of the Ultimate Rap League (URL), was asked by a fan about possible future rematches on the URL after Math Hoffa vs. Dose broke the ice. With Charlie Clips vs. Tay Rock handled at NOME4, Smack expressed interest in the Loaded Lux vs. Murda Mook trilogy; Conceited vs. Charlie Clips; Hollow Da Don vs. Loaded Lux; B-Magic vs. JC; Mickey Factz vs. Danja Zone. After the fan was cut off for noticing the matches Smack mentioned were originally on other leagues, Smack’s answer to why he wants to set up a rematch between Tsu Surf vs. Charlie Clips will give their Born Legacy battle replay value for all the wrong reasons. Here is the written account of Smack’s answer:

Yanahimsaying if you noticed yanahimsaying at Born Legacy yanahimsaying during the Surf and yanahimsaying Clips battle yanahimsaying I kept stepping between them yanahimsaying after every 4 bars yanahimsaying to tell the crowd yanahimsaying to HOLD IT DOWN, HOLD IT DOWN, even when they was quiet yanahimsaying and wasn’t reacting to none of the shit these niggas was spitting. And the reason I kept doing that yanahimsaying is because Tay Rock kept resting his hand on my shoulder. Like the whole battle shun. And I didn’t wanna tell him verbally yanahimsaying to get his hands off me yanahimsaying ’cause I thought it would’ve made things awkward for him yanahimsaying and made him feel some type of way yanahimsaying. Like self-conscious or something yanahimsaying. So, my idea was to constantly walk forward and pretend I was addressing the crowd yanahimsaying. Throw up my hand-signs yanahimsaying. Fake laugh, smile yanahimsaying. You know how I give it up. And I thought when I stepped back again yanahimsaying Tay Rock would’ve found something else to lean on yanahimsaying but it didn’t happen like that. It didn’t happen like that. You see, at one point I got tired of it yanahimsaying and physically moved his hand off my shoulder and walked forward but he put it right back up there shun. Yanahimsaying then Surf saved me in the third round when he spit some bars at Rock. I moved Rock yanahimsaying in front of me. But when Surf changed subjects Tay Rock moved right back behind me and put his hands on my shoulders shun. Yanahimsaying I was tight yanahimsaying. And the reason I’m just now saying something about this yanahimsaying is ’cause the nightmares of Surf choking and Clips calling me extra has gotten to me homie. Enough is enough yanahimsaying. I’m not extra, my nigga. I’m a man of honor and respect yanahimsaying and I take full responsibility for Surf choking and causing Clips to freestyle yanahimsaying ’cause I broke these niggas train of thought jumping in-between them like every 5 seconds yanahimsaying. If another man was using your shoulder for an arm-rest how would you feel, my nigga? Tay Rock is still one of my favorites of the culture yanahimsaying, still one of the top shooters of the URL yanahimsaying, but he won’t be invited to the Surf and Clips rematch. Smmmddlllaaack.

Built on top:

  • Comment section of above YouTube video

How did you try to stop UNwanted leaning on you?

Keyboard Pillow

Has the novelty of having home internet wore off yet? Are we done watching DMX, Master P/No Limit, rap battles, and twerk videos? Are we going to change that “last logged in 11 months ago” on Codecademy anytime soon? Are we going to draw on the Bamboo tablet and post the next comic since June 2013? Where’s the logo for FY?

While you completed 3 Tax Assessments in the 4 days you had internet I am not impressed because you’re on chapter 15. What happen to chapter 14 by October 1st?

The only good this internet is responsible for in the 4 days it’s been here is saving you from making an Eyeball Marinara sandwich at Subway.

You are behind on your scripts, and your writing in general.

Isn’t that white hurting your eyes? I’m just waiting on you to fall asleep on the keyboards so I can slam the laptop on your head.

Loaded Lux’s Prop For Murda Mook Rematch Leaked

Total Slaughter logo


New York — Two credible sources confirm the prop Loaded Lux will use in his long-awaited rematch with Murda Mook at Total Slaughter on July 12th.

They spoke on anonymity, as they still do business with Lux.

We was watching the Goodz and Verb battle. Smack rarely shows the entrances, so when he introduced them to the stage I knew something special was gone happen. Verb comes out. Nothing special. Goodz comes out rocking the gold jacket Verb wore battling Swave. Lux stared at the screen with this confused look on his face then jump up and take this old dusty NorthFace jacket out. I said, what’s that, beloved? He was like, ‘This it! This it! I’m gone wear Mook’s jacket. This is just what I needed.’

The second story comes from a woman acquaintance:

Lux was going over his rounds with me. Before he started rapping, I told him to take off that hot ass jacket. He told me that it would be a part of his Wardrobe this Saturday. He told me after his first battle with Mook, the Aces Click took Mook’s jacket and it’s been in his closet this whole time. He has just been waiting for the right time to use it.

During the battle, Mook embarrassingly had to say, “I don’t like fighting,” after reciting violent lyrics when someone in Lux’s camp took offense at Mook’s aggression. In a deleted video posted on YouTube in 2007, members of the Aces Click claim to have robbed Mook after his battle with Loaded Lux. They showed off a dark-looking jacket to the camera. Loaded Lux confirmed the robbery in his song, Head Crack, spitting “2 winters later, you ain’t get your coat back yet.”

UPDATE: Murda Mook is investigating the identities of the anonymous sources to help him furthermore by getting his jacket back before Saturday’s Total Slaughter to thwart Loaded Lux’s plans.



Built on top of:
•Goodz coming out in Aye Verb’s jacket

Do you think Mook will get his jacket back before Saturday?

Potential Battle Rap Sponsor Head Trampled During Dizaster, Math Hoffa Fight

screenshot of math hoffa and dizaster battle at kotd bola5
Click photo to see the closes view of the first punch from Dizaster

A man’s head from a higher corporation got trampled this past weekend (June 28th) at King Of The Dot’s (KOTD) Battle Of Los Angeles 5 (BOLA) event during the Dizaster and Math Hoffa brawl.

The man, who wishes to keep his name and his company’s name confidential was invited to the BOLA event by Davone Campbell, known to battle rap fans as “Daylyt.” Here’s his account of what happened:

“I’m an A&R at a big time record label. I’ve been following the KraCC City Movement for some time now. I got in touch with Davone and told him I wanted to invest in some new talent. He convinced me to come out to an event he was participating in at Los Globos. I was doing nothing that Saturday, why not. He said it was a battle rap event. I had no clue what battle rap was. I did some research prior to going and was really disturbed by the violent lyrics. But Daylyt assured me KOTD was a ‘non-violent organization.’ So in the last round while the Dizaster fellow was rapping, he looked at me. I was standing right behind the black guy. I think my suit threw him off and caused him to stumble. That’s when he looked back at the Mathematical guy and said ‘I should fucking punch you.’ The guy said ‘Do it then!’ Me wanting to get in the spirit of the crowd when they say ‘Talk to that N word such and such’ I said ‘Yeah do it Dizzy.’ Before I know it, I am laying on the ground being trampled. All was going through my head was defeat/the feet lines.”

Surprisingly, the man, who suffered a minor concussion in the mêlée said he still wants to become a potential battle rap sponsor but said if leagues want his money they will have to implement 3 changes. First, he said future grudge matches will have to be Facetimed/Skyped to prevent battle rappers with a history from fighting with more than words. Second, he said he wants “gun bars” to die. He specifically mentioned a battle rapper by the name of Tay Roc, who he said he is terrified of. “The only thing funny about that Tay Roc guy is how he says words with a U in it. Other than that, he is a bonafide monster. I believe everything he says he will do to his opponent. If he says he will Emmit Till you then dammit he will Emmit Till you. And the final rule he says he wants in place is, “No more defeat/the feet lines. I might have flashbacks hearing one of those again.”

Built on top of:

  • A line from Daylyt’s response video
  • Total Slaughter’s Upcoming Event on July 12th

What future grudge matches need to be facetimed/skyped?

Snoop Dogg Confronts 50 Cent About Unfollowing Him On Instagram

Based on actual events

Meanwhile at the South By Southwest conference …

Snoop – Yo cuz why you unfollowed me on Instagram? I know it ain’t because of the nails? I told you about that.
50 – Nah. Snoop, you know I only follow 5 people. When I started following you, your posts was coming so rapid, it flooded my timeline. I had to get you up off there.
Snoop – Why don’t you follow some more people, so we don’t have that problem then, nephew?
50 Cent – Why don’t you stop posting 15, 20 times a day?
Dick Costolo – *sensing the tension* Guys, guys, guys. It’s not that serious. It’s just social media. Y’all cool in real life, right?
Snoop – Wait a minute! Cuz this all your damn fault any-muthaf**king-way!!!
Dick Costolo – What? *throws hands up*
50 – Yeah, if you stop testing the Twitter Mute button in markets we don’t live in and just roll it out everywhere, we wouldn’t be going through this sh*t.
Snoop – *punches Dick Costolo and knocks him down*
Dick Costolo – … *gasping for air* But Twitter doesn’t even own Insta..
Snoop – *kicks Dick Costolo in the mouth* Ouch! Fool chipped my French mani. *kisses finger*
Jack Dorsey – *steps in* Guys, we don’t even show Instagram pics on …
50 – *knocks out Jack Dorsey with punch*
Snoop – Ooooh-weee. Pimping Curly. Pimp hand so strong. Let’s get up outta here for them other boys in blue come, cuz.
50 – Go! Go! Go, shawty!

*Snoop’s and 50’s entourages run off in distance*