Tag Archives: humor

Flying Black Garbage Bag Attacks Kids Walking Home From School

Best photo taken of the mysterious black garbage bag
Best photo taken of the mysterious black garbage bag. That’s some scary shit!

Leukemia, throat cancer, and respiratory illnesses are on the rise. Winds were so high in Memphis, number 9 on America’s Dirtiest Cities listthat it kept a 11XL black garbage bag suspended in the air for hours. To make matters worse, in one neighborhood, unsuspecting children who were walking home from school were attacked when this mysterious black garbage bag, as if possessed, started following them. The children didn’t notice they were being followed until some sort of strange green slime poured on top of one of their heads (yes, trash was still in the bag). The children scattered in opposite directions, however, the wind was so fierce that the 11XL garbage bag was flying flat, allowing it to cover as much ground as possible. Empty-Dominoes-pizza-boxes-with-nothing-but-the-crust-inside was among the trashed items the garbage bag used as weapons on the kids. Adult witnesses who tried to grab and step on the bag, whenever it did temporarily touch the ground, were met with defeat as the bag kept blowing out of reach as if it was a dollar on a string. A 7’1 man who happened to be in the area walking his dog was of no use, as his knees were bad (but you didn’t have to jump; you could’ve just thrown your hands in the air and waved ’em like you just don’t care).

The children, the victims of this heinous crime are reported being “traumatized” by the experience. One mother of one of the boys said she told her son to take out the garbage 3 days later and he just broke down and started crying. He may never throw anything away again. Looks like Ilya Kabakov’s character may have come to life.

Although, this is a horrific incident, maybe, just maybe, there is some plus in this. Maybe now instead of having a measly $10 litter fine for flicking a cigarette butt to worry about, they have their kids to worry about. So the next time you see a person getting ready to flick it, just walk up to them and ask, “But what about the babies?”

Built on top of:

  • High Winds

After Being Kicked Out Of Denny’s, Police Let Homeless Men Get Away With Food

After The Belleville Chief of Police banned his officers from eating at a local Denny’s, he said, “Officers will go to Denny’s if they receive a service call.”

That statement was put to the test when two armed homeless men stuck the place up. They robbed every customer that was present – including a six-year-old’s imaginary friend Visibull – not just of what was in the cash registers at Denny’s, but also, of what was in the kitchen: Macho Nacho Burgers, Smothered Cheese Fries, and All You Can Eat Pancakes was among the menu items the thieves forced the Denny’s employees to fix. One of the cooks said, “I have never cooked a Slow-Cooked Pot Roast that fast.”

The manager, who told five on-duty-out-of-uniform detectives they couldn’t have their guns in Denny’s, was the same one who pressed the “hold-up button” to alert Belleville Police they were being robbed. The manager told us, “The response time was very, very slow. Then when they finally arrived, they just waited out in the parking lot. Then finally one of the officers got on the blow horn and said, ‘Let us know when you have the situation under control. We would come in, however, we can’t because we’re armed.’ ”

Built On Top Of:

The Killing Joke

Ledger’s Joker said,

“…You see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are…”

Fast forward to Joker’s last scene. Batman threw him off a skyscraper building to his supposed death and he did nothing but laugh.

The fear of death is the Devil’s favorite weapon.

Why?

Because no one knows. No one can prove definitely what happens after death. This uncertainty frightens people out of their wits.

Death is silent. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation. They have to know. So, the churches help instead of hinder the Devil’s cause. How? Because they’re saying something. If the churches stop speaking and mentioning God’s opposition, his cause would suffer a severe setback.

There is no such thing as a place called heaven or hell that a person goes after death. Heaven and hell are on planet earth. Har-old, your life is either a heaven or a hell. And it can be both throughout a person’s life. Some people make heaven after going through a life of hell. Some people go through hell after making a life of heaven.

Flip. Flip. Flip.

But the few ones who were tired of life’s flipping nature learned there was a key to life’s pearly gates. And you know how they did this? They discovered you are born living a heaven on earth because you have power over your thoughts. BUT! Your thoughts are set to negative by default. So, if you neglect to take control of your mind, it will STAY NEGATIVE and it will get worse over time due to your indifference. That’s why you must constantly and continuously search for positive thoughts that pay rent in your mind.

You have to do two challenging things …

Escape a burning house.

And cross a busy street to get to the big white house with the pearly gates.

What will you save from that burning house?

Will you look constantly both ways and not be a victim of a terrible hit-and-run “accident?”

Life is serious but death is a joke. You came in crying so leave laughing. Fear nothing!

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

They Can’t Get Under Your Skin If It’s Thick

Dear Har-old,

Journalist Sydney J. Harris said, “If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?”

Har-old, they can’t get under your skin if it’s thick!

Become the “elephant in the room.”

Forgive but never forget.

Look constantly to the past that haunts your kitchen cabinets.

Negative criticism, jokes at your expense, disappointments, disheartening moments, disillusions, failures, losses, etc.

Though not to let them eat away at you and cloud your reason.

But to give you a “I heard it all ear,” a “I’ve seen it all eye,” a “I’ve been through it all mind.”

This will thicken your skin so much, that of the 206 bones in your body, people and things will ONLY be able to hit your funny bone.

Laugh with them … then laugh at them.

Train yourself to take nothing personal.

Do not be so vain!

Control your emotional responses.

You are a mind with a body; not a heart with a body.

Being sensitive, paranoid, defensive and subjective will thin you, Har-old.

Be the slippery soap that cannot be held: Let no one or nothing dry you up, or  keep you in their “palm.”

Futuristically yours,

Har+new