Tag Archives: life

Who’s Holding The Invisible Gun To Your Real Head?

Dear Har-old,

American novelist Chuck Palahniuk said, “Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head.”

The Force.

Something you know you shouldn’t do. Something you know you shouldn’t say. Something you do not want to do. Something you do not want to say.

Something you talk yourself out of for the next 10 minutes … but talk yourself into in the last 10 seconds.

Irresistible. Powerful. Attractive. Convincing. Pleasurable. Tempting. Seductive.

The Force is your Achilles Heel.

The Force is that old, gray and wrinkled habit.

The Force is something that can only be killed AFTER you submit to it “one last time.”

You know, that moment when you think about what you just did.

Anger. Regret. Motivation. You’re too powerful at this moment. Now you’re a Force to be reckoned with.

But little do you know that the more you succumb to The Force, the bigger the invisible gun gets the next time in your “trying moments.”

SMOKE THIS CIGARETTE!!!

HAVE SOME CAKE!!!

WASTE YOUR MONEY GAMBLING!!!

KEEP PROCRASTINATING, DAMMIT!!!

BUY ANOTHER FREAKING DRINK!!!

PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN NOW!!!

COMPULSIVE SHOP, YOU IDIOT!!!

DID I TELL YOU TO STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE?!?!

Har-old, you know why you created me?

Because changing means NOT staying the same.

Everything you ARE, I am NOT.

So that means you either will eventually discover something or you’ve already figured out something but forgot to make it a habit.

It was the latter.

You thought of me every time your weak spot got touched.

Next time bite the hand that touches you.

Then The Force will take that gun away from the side of your head and shove it in your mouth.

Tell The Force this, “Make my day, punk!”

Har-old, bite the bullet. Eat those bullets. Then simply say, NO!

Saying NO will fire them bullets right back at The Force.

Old habits die-hard so it’s a slow death. Enjoy its pain and suffering. Hahahaha!

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

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A Now Is Not A Person, Place, Or Thing

Dear Har-old,

Russian novelist Ivan Turgenev said, “The word tomorrow was invented for indecisive people and for children.”

Had Chinese yesterday. Fortune from cookie read, “If you don’t have time to live your life now, when do you?

Har-old, I Am Your Father!

So, I will tell you what Chris Rock’s father told him when he thought coming to work early was gone impress him. He said, “Chris it’s no such thing as early, you either on time or you late.”

Remember what I told you in Catch Phrases. You have to, you have to, catch yourself. Kick the habit of saying, “I can’t wait … .”

It’s a damn oxyMORON!

You’re being impatient and patient simultaneously. THINK!

How the hell can you say you can’t wait for something that you are in control of making happen NOW???

THINK!

The worlds of advertising, marketing and promotion have somehow confused you and affected your ability to separate the who’s of control.

Separate control:

They are in control of when movies hit theaters, when albums hit shelves, when phones drop, when clothes hit racks, etc.

BUT YOU ARE IN CONTROL of when you want to “live.” I’m talking when you want 2 bill? When you want kids? When you want to leave Tennessee? When you want to move to New York? When you want the Yeebizan to replace the résumé?

WHEN???

You ARE in control of these things, no one else!

Take back your self-control.

Stop sitting in that waiting room. Put down that magazine. Knock on that door. Opportunity will open. Take off Opportunity’s mask … haha it’s you!

You was making yourself wait. Hahahaha!

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. I guess a now could  be a person, place or thing…I mean you’re a person who’s trying to go places in life but can’t because you keep putting off that one thing you know you need to do…procrastinator!

Who Burnt The Popcorn?!

popcorn
Extra butter

Dear Har-old,

“I just wished that nobody made a movie of me while I was still alive.”

And if I could add to Zuckerberg’s quote: ” . . . and while I’m only 26 years young!”

Dead or old.

Did not believe. But you did entertain thoughts of the world ending on the 21st. You did, Har-old.

Your beef was: “I’m too young to die.” “I haven’t lived yet.” “What about my future?”

And that got me thinking . . .

About how I can make you and every other young’n UNCOMFORTABLE with a biographical movie.

So, what’s on the menu?

Popcorn!

Burnt popcorn!

This new section will be movie trailers of y’all young lives UP TO THIS POINT.

Made by those that know you best.

That means they are in control of who plays you, the name of the movie, the trailer’s music, what genre it is: a comedy, a romance, an action-packed film.

But … I’m hoping it’s a DRAMA!

A HORROR!

Then everybody will vote on which trailer they would like to see turned into an actual film, consequently going to the movies to see.

And one more thing …

Life doesn’t get a sequel.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

You Need To Go On A Clutter Diet

Dear Shae,

Clutter surrounds you in every aspect of your life. From your crazy unorganized scattered thoughts to your crazy and disturbingly unorganized personal quarters. You have begun to take notice of how your clutter hinders you. You stand there shocked because you never considered it cluttered before, but more as a “convenient personal expression.” Man, you’ve got quite a bit of it and made great use of it too. You sit and ponder that now, and want to stop sitting. You get up, look around, move some stuff and sit back down one hour later, look up, things look the same. That is not removing clutter, it’s called moving stuff around. You have a goal, but can’t seem to get things done as fast as you should. What’s the problem? Well let’s sit back and take a look. You are still developing your own sense of organization and time management without having any previous understanding (consistent application) of these two increasingly vital aspects. You notice how behind you must seem to others, well sorry if they feel that way but that’s EXACTLY WHY you have work to do. Free time has come to you in abundance and everyone is looking forward to seeing more of you. Where are you? Researching those random questions  about your new interest on the net? No, maybe this time you decided to exercise the rest of the day instead of tackle the mass of clutter in your life. Girl, YOU HAVE GOT TO GET IT TOGETHER! What you are doing is running in a circle. You say, “I have to get everything together”…”I’m working on it,” but are you really? Do you consistently put forth an effort to make the needed changes before anything else? At the end of EVERYDAY do you feel like you have taken two steps forward?  Sorry, but I’m not very convinced when you say “umm…” so I have to interject. Your problem now is time management. You have things that are TOP PRIORITY and are first; then you have things that are HOBBIES nonetheless and are second. You need to start following this order! This is a key feature of mental organization. It is up to you how you’re going to spend your 24 hours. You have made your plans, so stick to them! So you started waking up early and looking to the “to-do” list, and that’s great! But what good is it when you have priorities to knock out and decide to go draw or work out instead? WTF?! That is not even smart Shae, not even sometimes. Yes its creative, yes its fun, but hey guess what, you can’t have fun just yet remember; it’s on that second list. At the end of the day, you still have to sit and tally those bananas. Tomorrow you will have more work to do because YOU DID NOT FOLLOW THROUGH with a priority. You will also have to disappoint those waiting on you to get it together.  You could stay stuck in your current cycle, not heed this warning and see what happens, but I’m sure you won’t do that. You’re a smart girl. Sometimes you just need to stop, listen to me, and be reminded of your priorities. Remain consistent in removing that clutter and then we can move on down the list.

Futuristically yours,

“The clouds you want to sit on”