Tag Archives: post a day

Be honest with people about their cooking on Thanksgiving … even if it increases your rent. 

Resident – Thank y’all for treating residents to an early Thanksgiving. 

Manager – You’re welcome!

Resident – I’m glad I moved here. 

Manager – And we’re glad to have you. 

Resident – My last apartment didn’t do these KIND kind of things for the community. And judging by how packed it is in here it looks like I won’t be the only one without family this year. Looks like every resident is here. Wow! Oooh yeah give me some of that dressing … and oooh the turkey too … and oooh some of those candy yams please … that too … un-huh … yes…. oooh God yes! Okay, thank youuuuu! 

Manager – Sir, where are you going?

Resident – Umm … back to my apartment. 

Manager – There are no to-go-plates. 

Resident – This the plate y’all gave me. 

Manager – There are no TO GO plates.

Resident – Aww that’s why everybody in here? Y’all want us to eat in front of y’all? 

Manager – Well, you’re the first person to try those 2 items. Would you mind telling me how they taste? And you can be completely honest, I didn’t make any of it. 

Resident – The mac-n-cheese slamming!

Manager – Wonderful. And the biscuit?

Resident – Ahhhh! Taste like a brick! I think I chipped a tooth! 

Manager – And that rent increase of $212 taste like tears coming from you! Make sure you put enough salt in it! 

Nanowrimo Challenge (Post A Day): You Are What You Eat

  • TITLE: You are what you eat
  • LENGTH: 30 sec – 1 min
  • PRODUCT: Whopper
  • WRITER: Har+new

This is a dual column screenplay where the description of the action would be on the left and the dialogue on the right, but since I don’t have that feature (some plug-in) in my post editor so I’m going to utilize the horizontal line.


Two men pull out chairs from a dining table.


“You mind sitting in the next seat.”

“You act as if I’m sitting in the next seat and not the one across from you.”

“Well, I would rather you sit in the next seat than the one directly in from of me because then your bright red hair wouldn’t be blocking my view and those clown feet wouldn’t be stepping on mines.”

“Whatever, dude!”


As both men are sitting down, a server brings them their food on trays.


“Dude, you ordered 6 cheeseburgers?! You better chill. You know you are what you eat with each bite, right?”

“I know.”


Second man unwraps one of his sandwiches and it is revealed to be BURGER KING in a red bubbly font between two shiny buns (the logo). After he takes his first bite the server puts a royal robe over his shoulders. After he takes his 2nd bite the server puts a crown on his head. After 3rd bite the server pulls up a throne. As the man sits in his new seat and is about to take the 4th bite, the server, who is a woman, snatches the sandwich out his hand.  The server sits in the chair next to him and starts feeding and fanning him with her hand. After watching all of this in confusion, the second man runs back to the counter.


“Welcome to Burger King, would you like to try our …”

“Shut up and take my money! I want everything on the menu!”

“Sir, are you sure? You know you are what you eat, right?”


The man turns his head, looking back at his table where the server is still feeding his friend.


“I knowwwwwww.”

Which Mike Myers Are You? 




Are you in line?


I’m sitting down.


Okay, you can still be in line.




You could be sitting down waiting until you were next.


No. If I was in line I would be standing up behind her.


Okay, you don’t got to get an attitude.


I don’t have an attitude. You initiated this conversation.


And I’m gone finish it!


You ain’t finishing shit!


Keep talking and I’ma have my boy cousin come in here and knock your ass out. Four-eyed!


3rd grader!


Guy and gal, will y’all please settle it down, or take it outside. We don’t need all this commotion.


He too scared to come out outside.


That would be correct … if my pizza was done. It’s not.


Pickup or delivery?




What’s the name?




Your order is done. That’ll be $16.49.


Maybe yours would have been done too, and we wouldn’t have met like this  if you placed your  order on the phone instead of inside. And all this time I thought people who wore glasses were smart. See you later four-eyes!




Pickup for Neal.




That’ll be $8.76


You know, If it’s for pickup, y’all shouldn’t put a customer’s name on the pizza box. Gonna get someone hurt one day. 



Hey trick-or-treater! Blue velvet suit, platform shoes, white mask, kitchen knife. Which Mike Myers are you? Couldn’t choose, huh? Well, you are not alone. Austin Powers and Halloween are my two favorites movies, so I understand. But you are missing an accessory. Please don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not a movie critic, but I can be a fashionista at times. However, I do understand why you wouldn’t wear them since you have the mask on. 


*pulls out brown case*


Yassssssss honey the glasses! 


Constrained Writing Prompt: Tell a love story, including a plant, in 5 sentences. 

They say you can’t turn a hoe into a …

Hel-i-cry-sum when I pansy how dandy that golden pothos would have looked in my kitchen. 

Jasmine, Heather, or whatever her name is rather daisy dukes than sunflower dress, have Poppy give her Black-eyed Susans when she didn’t come back with enough roses for her tulips. 

I wanted to go to the metal after the last petal was “she loves me knot” but my iris just stood there ox-eyed dazed. 

I wish I was as patient as a carnation and waited for a cherry to blossom ‘cause I gave a new meaning to deflower. 

A 10 word sentence. Then, a 9 word sentence. An 8 word long one after. This continues until final sentence of one word. Try to choose a theme befitting of the structure.

Why did you let ol’ Randy Marsh flip our house?
Relationship hit rock bottom but communication was the foundation.
When you stopped touching base I knew then.
I’m in danger of being put out.
I bet he hit the slopes.
C isn’t a love letter.
You opened our circle.
You, me, him.
Love triangle.

Aim For The Stars: Girl Fight (Scene 5)

Girl Fight: 12+20+06

Jay Z – B if you keep shaking the bed I’m sleeping on the floor.

Beyonce – I’m sorry, J. I can’t sleep, baby! I have a lot on my mind.

Jay Z – Wel, tell me what’s on your mind so we both can go to sleep.

Beyonce – Okay, the new Destiny’s Child and Triple Threat albums are dropping tomorrow and there is so much at stake for both groups. The winners of the beef will be determined by whoever has the best first week meaning who sold the most and debuts at number one on the charts. I know Destiny’s Child is the best female R&B group as far as sales is concern but there is still a chance Triple Threat might sell more than us b-cuz fans are always rooting for the underdog and I fear that the most … losing! Jay are you listening to me???

Jay Z – Huh … yeah, yeah, I’m listening!

Beyonce – No, you not! You falling asleep!

Jay Z – I’m sleepy, B.

Beyonce – Well I’m finna tell you something that’s gone wake yo’ ass up … don’t you know the losers of the beef can’t release another album for 5 whole years!

Jay Z – What that gotta do with me?

Beyonce – You are included in the beef. You, Jermaine, and Nas … not just the girls.

Jay Z – Damn! So, if we lose, I’ma have to retire again? Damn!

Beyonce – Yeah, these next 7 days will be like waiting for a HIV test to come back.

*One week later*

Sway – Ladies, ladies, ladies, calm down! This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for, Destiny’s Child and Triple Threat.  I’ve looked at the Sound Scan and I couldn’t believe my eyes so I know y’all won’t believe y’all ears. I thought it was a typo error but it wasn’t. Beyonce, like your man said, “Men lie, women lie, but number don’t.” So with that being said, the group that had the best first week sales was … NOBODY! Yes, I said NOBODY! The fans have spoken! Destiny’s Child and Triple Threat album sales combined is ZERO! If you don’t believe me, take a look at the paper.

Amerie – Omigod!!! Sway’s right! The fans have spoken! Don’t you see ladies – the fans are tired o this beef shit. Beef made us put together crappy albums, beef made the fans neutral, beef made us groups and I don’t like what beef does and if you guys don’t neither then the beef will be squashed right here, right now.

Rihanna – I’m happy everyone’s friends but we still have one problem … MICHAEL JACKSON HAS MY LITTLE BROTHER!

Janet Jackson – What you want us to do

Rihanna – Bitch you the main person who suppose to be doing something!

Janet Jackson – What I suppose to do?

Rihanna – You know what? You ain’t gotta do nothing … I’m finna do something cuz I know by now yo’ brother put his dick in my brother’s ass so I’m finna put a foot in his sister’s ass!

*Roll Credits*

Aim For The Stars: Girl Fight (Scene 4)

Girl Fight: 12+19+06

LaToya Luckett – Y’all I just got off the phone wit Jim Jones. Ballin’!!! He said he’s down wit being my boyfriend in the Jay-Z and Beyonce beef. Okay, Amerie, have you talked to Young Jeezy yet?

Amerie – He said he was gone call me back in 12 minutes and give me an answer.

LaToya Luckett – How long has it been?

Amerie – *phone rings* I guess it’s been 12 minutes. Hold on … hello! Haha. Fa’ sho’. Okay. Okay. Aight, baby, haha. That was Jeezy!

LaToya Luckett – What he say?

Amerie – I Luv It haha

Rihanna – Well I’m glad to see y’all hoes happy about y’all new niggas. I would join in on the celebration but I still don’t know who my nigga is.

LaToya Luckett – He said he was gone call when your lil’ brother arrived at his house.

Rihanna – And yeah, why did I have to fly my little brother out to his house before he could give me an answer? That’s weird! If he hate Jermaine and Janet that abd, he’ll do it for free … no money , no kids … and another thing that’s weird … why did he choose my little brother over money? That’s really strange to me! I could see if he asked for some money but no he asked for my little brother…damn y’all got me thinking it’s Michael Jackson or somebody.

LaToya Luckett – Amerie why you tell her for?

Amerie – What? I didn’t tell her anything! She figured it out on her own, I swear.

Rihanna – Omigod!!! It’s Michael Jackson!!! My little brother is about to spend a WHOLE week at that freak’s house??? Omigod!!! My mother is gonna kill me! I gotta cancel his flight.

Amerie – *phone rings* It’s too late! Your little brother already at his house. Rihanna, Michael Jackson wanna talk to you …


Michael Jackson – Oh! Rihanna, that’s not you talking, that’s the t.v. talking. The t.v. is making you think I molest little boys. It’s lies, it’s all lies. Children are beautiful creatures. I would never hurt such a beautiful creature. Don’t you think I’ll be in jail if I hurt one of God’s children?

Rihanna – Yeah but since you’re Michael Jackson nah … them people who was on that jury wanna see you make another Thriller. Look! Where is my little brother sleeping?

Michael Jackson – In my bed like all the other kids and I will sleep on the floor.

Rihanna – Ain’t it like a thousand rooms in yo’ house? Why kids sleeping in yo’ bed???

Michael Jackson – My house is so big, kids are scared to sleep in other parts of the house.

Rihanna – Well, you make sue my little brother ain’t sleeping in the same room as you. I don’t care how big your house is and I don’t care how afraid of the dark he is. Get him a night-light!

Michael Jackson – Look, you bitch! I have something to prove to my sister and her boyfriend! Just like you, they’re letting the t.v. give them brain damage. The reason I wanna join the beef against them is b-cuz they said when they have some kids I can’t baby-sit ’em … especially the boys! And I wanna prove to them I’m good with children by baby-sitting your little brother.

LaToya Luckett – What happen?!

Rihanna – He hung up in my face!

Amerie – You gone call him back?

Rihanna – Nah. I love my little brother but I gotta album to worry about so if Michael Jackson does do something to him, he just gone have to live with taking one for the team.

*Commercial Break*

Scene 5 posting tomorrow at 7PM 🙂