Where on the Barbie doll did he touch you?
The pessimist manicured fingernail points to the cup full
Before I could chug along she made me spit out, ‘what, two?!’
Where else on the Barbie doll did he touch you?
Turn it over, flip it around? Ermahgerd! A finger up the butt too?!
Just when I was losing all hope
I ask the same question to a different girl than befo’
“Play with another doll, Barbz doesn’t have a soul”
If he made you feel alive why did you let him go?
“Was a good guy but I pointed at Chucky’s back hi-de-ho”
“And it cost me dearly, I pointed at the arm and leg on G.I. Joe”
Got a rise outta her when I pointed at the armpits on Elmo
That meant I wanna wrap my arm around you and console
“Or you’re trying to put me under your wing to smell your Dove”
It’s Speed Stick, and I pointed at Passport Bear’s cockpit, that’s why you only get half-a-hug
Caution: This is a very slow read.
I unbuttoned my shirt and showed her my taco meat
She unzipped her pants and showed me her taco meat
We both came outta our shell
The sloppy toppings: the sour cream shredded the cheese but let us get use to two’s day
Because we been use to the prefix of the day before, single and alone
And you know what was just making me borderline insane? The fuckin’ day had 24 25th hours
He who wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth lives with a plastic fork in his BFGoodrich
I’m tired of faking like I’m best friends with Benjamin Franklin
When I’m too sick to shake a doctor’s hand, not smart enough to know I’m not equal to a polymath
She told me to name my Ford after her, Alexis
Reached in her Wranglers and gave me $700 in all 20’s for some Goodyears
Became my Alexa on the road to success
Now I just don’t get from A to B
I get from A to Z
That shredded cheese is now cheesecake
How fitting for Juniors first birthday
My lil’ boo-boo gone love the bandaids on Mr. Popular
My big booboo sat on the John longer tonight, determined to have more kids to drop off at the pool
Me, I just wanna break the cycle and take the first R outta ‘farther’ (and put it in Ms.)
Too bad they sound alike, that’s why I like using ‘further’ so it’s no longer confusion this is referring to U
Family all over the same lava floor, under the same popcorn ceiling, talking about flipping houses so we can get hot sauce on our Orville Redenbacher
Shhhh … the previews are starting
Tomorrow should be a big day for my YouTube channel
Do they always talk?
Do they ever listen?
Can I be happy for 5 minutes?
Please leave me alone
Go bother someone else, no, don’t
Because it makes my heart shatter
To read about McKenzie Adams
Are you mad this poem I wrote
Before your little suicide note
Please leave me alone
Don’t you see me on the phone?
Talking to a stranger about you
I know it’s the easy way out, cool
I must admit
Your kind of thinking is attractive
I think about you twice a day, you’re a habit
I wanna kick you, not the bucket
So many things I wanna do on that list, number 15,418 you will love it
Can you at least leave me alone in public?
Especially when I’m at work
I know you think I’m only saying that because I’m an introvert
I know I ain’t nobody’s daddy but Su’
I’m somebody’s son, someone’s brother, Ant and Chh uncle
He wants to live with me and play video games
But I can’t even take care of myself, oh what a shame
They say every time somebody die a child is born
I really thought about doing it on my birthday but got a text that left me torn
Of all days my niece came into the world
And I didn’t wanna rob her of that bond on her future birthdays, just yesterday your mama was my little girl
Can you hear that you suicidal maniac?
Can you leave me alone now?
All you heard was my zodiac?
If I don’t do it the cancer will attack?
Now … why you had to go and remind me of that?
If you was a person I would call you mean
If you was a person I would call you me (And!)
Remaining posts for 2018:
Pleasure Bunny (December 21st @ 9PM)
Sidewalks of New York: Part 2 (New Years Eve)
Wedding ring in the gym bag /
While I knock beach sand out the punching bag /
With the finger the tan line is at
I didn’t get on 1 knee to make you get on 1 knee to kiss a ring you bought with your wealth /
You said you will love me through sickness and health /
So I thought your heart-shaped lips clicking the waistline of my ring finger would stop it from looking pale /
Lightskin, lightskin, well, wail, whale
You don’t care about the muffin top on my ring finger, you care about the one that’s on my body /
You worked it out in your head “the only time a man takes his wedding ring off is in the gym” to see if he still got it
Sloppy or hottie, I never let ‘em see me sweat /
After we got married, I stopped singing on the treadmill so can’t another woman tell you how my voice sound when I’m talking during sex /
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Ain’t believing nothing I say I see /
Mobile around my mobile when I’m not local, hacking my iPhone’s Face ID
So know when I ask you who you gone be for Halloween I’m going to town /
Be like me, fling your ring when you go ding ding and find out life’s a beach when you drown /
Some Dundee put in quicksand when I left out /
And you want me to help pull you up but wanna be picky about /
Which hand I use like I’m the butler from Hell’s House /
I’m a big boy, I can watch Scary Movies by myself now
Sitting on the kitchen floor in my panties and tee its 3:54 in the morning
Eating ice cream with the refrigerator door halfway open
I’m hoping my daughter don’t walk-in on me rummaging through the trash, no, no, no
Rum age? What I’m looking for is 2 days old
Wednesday and Thursday marked out on the calendar but so
I’m about to lose this game of tic tac toe, oh ohhhhhh
Mama you can do it
Please just go back to bed
Before you end up puking
I’ll hold your hair if it comes to it
And if you must sleep by the toilet
Little spoon will hug you from the back
You can tuck me in again when you’re sober
No, you can’t come in my friend, mama said no hangovers
Dad, I know what you are thinking
But this time mama wasn’t drinking
She swerved to avoid hitting a wolf
I wish she did after what it did to little red riding hood
We spared its life
Least it could do is stop these pigs from treating my mama like a kid, saying ABC’s, walking in a straight line
Mama you can do it, do it, do it, do it