Tag Archives: Taco Bell

Taco Bell testing out turning hot sauce packets into fortune cookies

Shanghai, China – Yum China Holdings, Inc. (“Yum China,” NYSE: YUMC), and Taco Bell Corp., the world’s largest Mexican-inspired restaurant chain, today announced that they have fine-tuned a Taco Bell favorite for Chinese consumers: putting words of wisdom on the inside of hot sauce packets instead of the outside to remind customers of fortune cookies. Despite the success the brand has had since relaunching (January 2017) its first restaurant in China since 2008, Chief Executive Officer, Micky Pant, still felt like the menu was missing something.

“The menu features Taco Bell favorites that have been adapted to local tastes. We give more of a generous serving of rice in our burritos than Americans receive. We put rice in our taco salads and use soy sauce as dressing, also, including it as a non-alcoholic beverage. Hell, we even brought back the Chihuahua and didn’t cook it, but something still was barking at me,” expressed Pant. “At the time we weren’t selling Mexican fries and I was in the mood for some French fries and Burger King was the closes, being down the street. As I’m driving there I see all these red packets in the road, so many, in fact, I get out my car to clean them from the lane. They were crushed ketchup packets. So, I get there and order. They were so frea-king boring! So frea-king average! How can a place like Burger King get it right when it comes to burgers but so wrong when it comes to fries? They were disgusting! I complained. That’s when it hit me. I took another route back to Taco Bell and was combing through our hot sauce packets and there it was, ‘The road to mediocrity is littered with empty ketchup packets.’ The kind of stuff that tells you the future. Millions of people already collect our packets for the sayings, so all the more reason to tear carefully.”

To help guide customers, Pant stated the new packaging will have a empty white box on the front of the packets, which will be the location of the phrases on the inside.

In the announcement, Pant shared that them making sauce packets into fortune cookies will not hurt Chinese restaurants as much as their entire menu has hurt real Mexican restaurants since 1962. The Yums Brand had nothing but complimentary remarks for Yum’s. “We can never compete with them, okay. While we spend billions to get more than half the US population to see our commercials once a week, they never make them and still serve billions. When was the last time you seen a commercial for a Chinese restaurant?”

Have you ever seen a commercial for your local Chinese restaurant?

“Lil’ Girl Go Get Your Mama”

Based on a true story

Taco Bell – Good morning. What can I get for you today?
Sonny – Waffle Taco Sausage and AM Crunchwrap Steak.
Taco Bell – Ok. That will be $5.44.
Sonny – *squints at screen and sees BCN* No! I said AM Crunchwrap STEAK!
Taco Bell – I’m sorry. I thought you said bacon.

30 minutes later …

Taco Bell – Here you go.
Sonny – Thanks.

*Car pulls off*

Sonny – *checks bag* THIS IS NOT IT!

*Car skirts*

Sonny – *jumps out car, storms in restaurant* Hey, hey … you gave me a hashbrown in place of my Waffle Taco Sausage!!!
Taco Bell – *cook comes out* What’s wrong?
Sonny – I ordered a Waffle Taco Sausage and AM Crunchwrap Bacon. No I mean Sausage. No! STEAK! You got me messing up. You gave me a hashbrown and AM Crunchwrap Bacon. Dammit! STEAK!
Taco Bell – I’m sorry. Give me one minute to correct this, sir.

43 minutes later …

Sonny – *on tippy toes, peaking in kitchen to make sure no saliva is being added*
Taco Bell – Here you go, sir. Again I do apologize for that.
Sonny – *thinks to self* They ought to give me back that hashbrown if they really sorry. I’m gone be late for work!

9 hours later …

Subway – What can I get for you today, sir?
Sonny – Footlong Italian Herbs and Cheese bread.
Subway – *pulls out bread* What kind of sandwich?
Sonny – Meatball Marinara. Add pepperoni.
Subway – You gone have to get a 6-inch.
Sonny – *confused look* What? Why?
Subway – We only have 4 meatballs.
Sonny – *looks behind* Four? You can go ahead of me, mam.
Lady – Thanks. I want the …
Sonny – *looks in cookie section* Yall out of cookies, too?
Subway – That’s all we have, man.
Sonny – All y’all have? I don’t see nothing. *leans back* Oh those 3. Will y’all be cooking anymore meatballs?
Subway – We have some in the back but they’re froze. If you want to sit down and wait, I can unthaw them for you?
Sonny – Nahhhh that’s okay. Will y’all be putting anymore cookies out?
Subway – No. It’s the end of day.
Sonny – *checks watch* *thinks to self* They don’t close for another 3 hours??? *shakes head* You can go ahead of me, sir.
Man – Thanks. Let me get the …
Sonny – *plays background, looking at above menu* *thinks to self* Damn! All I ever get is the meatball. I don’t want to experiment.

25 minutes later …

Sonny – I can’t decide. I give up! I’m going somewhere else. *storms out restaurant*

11 minutes later …

Yums – Hi. What can I get for you today?
Sonny – *thinks to self* This lil’ 13 year old girl gone take my order? They must be training their daughter?  Ok. Steak, Egg, Cheese footlong. Just mayo, lettuce and pickle on it. And I want a season fry.

27 minutes later …

Yums – Here you go.
Sonny – Thanks. *thinks to self* Hmmm … With the day I had I bet not leave out this restaurant without checking my food. *unwraps sandwich packaging, checks food* What the hell is this on my bread?!?!
Yums – What’s wrong?
Sonny – You see this? I got MOLD on the edges of my bread!
Yums – Oooh. We get you another one.

42 minutes later …

Yums – Here you go, sir. Sorry for that.
Sonny – *thinks to self* I know it’s unlikely since I put them on notice but what if they did it again? *sits sandwich on table and unwraps it.*
Yums – *nervously looks on*
Sonny – *thinks to self* Everything looks okay. Now how the hell I wrap this back up? How they do it? Umm … *attempts and fails* DAMMIT I’M GOING GROCERY SHOPPING!