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Judge: Find A Job In 30 Days Or You’re Going To Jail

2 year Anniversary

“Nobody wouldn’t hire me so I hired myself,” said 19-year-old Dean Moxley, the Connecticut teen who was facing 2 years behind bars if he didn’t find a job in 30 days. “Day 24 I gave up hope and was so frustrated and just started preparing my mind for prison. I mean, I looked everywhere; online and offline. The string of interviews I did go on went well until I had to be truthful about my situation.”

Moxley was intoxicated and got into a fight that damaged a door at a friend’s house. He was charged with felony assault and vandalism. He was looking at 2 years in jail but made a deal with a public defender and got his charges lowered to misdemeanors. He was put on probation for a year. Since he was unemployed, part of the deal was to have a full-time job, go to AA and counseling at least twice a week. Moxley had to check in with the judge a month later, and if he was still unemployed, it would have violated his probation.

Judge Jon Ambrose said, “I was really impressed. Here’s a young man who could’ve gave up after hearing ‘no’ several times from employers but he let it motivate him to be in that position of power. Isn’t it strange that so often people have to be cut down by failure and defeat before they learn they have minds capable of mastering all of their problems? These past 30 days have been good for his mind. I plan on being a customer and will try to help him get more.”

Moxley started his own errand running company for Seniors and busy people called Back In A Minute. “I always run errands for my grandparents so it just made sense. Then I got all this time on my hands because I was unemployed that people didn’t have who were employed. Those people have to pick the kids up from school, go grocery shopping, go pay a bill, etc. I could do that for them. Despite what my legal matters say about me I am a very trustworthy person.” Moxley said business has picked up to the point he can’t run all the errands by himself and is looking to hire someone. “Not to discriminate or anything, but I hope I run into someone who was as desperate as me a few weeks ago, so I could be the one to say yes to them.”

Instead of being gone for 2 years, Moxley will be Back In A Minute.

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  • A CraigsList Ad

Happy 2 Year Anniversary FY!!!

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Boyfriend Breaks Up With Girlfriend After She Blogs About Missing Him … While He Sleeps … 3 Feet Away

Sleep Blogging

Anonymous blogging has cost one woman her relationship of 21 days. J, as he is called in the blog, IMissMyBoyfriend.com, went to sleep one night on the right side of the bed; reserving the left side for his girlfriend, K, as she calls herself on the blog. However, he woke up in the middle of the bed; girlfriend on neither side. He looked across the room and saw a familiar sight: his girlfriend’s head on top of her laptop’s keyboard as if it was a pillow. He told us, “She’s been falling asleep at her computer ever since we’ve been together. I’m always picking her up and putting her in the bed the next morning then going back to sleep myself. This time I wanted to do things differently and see what the hell she’s always working on.” He said, “After I put her in the bed, I sat down at her computer and started reading. I scanned all the headlines and it was all these posts about her missing me. It felt good for 5 seconds then I became disturbed when I realized I haven’t been on vacation. I haven’t been nowhere. At least not from her. We’re always together. We even work and go to school together. Then I started reading some of the posts and it was all about me scratching my ass and farting in my sleep and how I kept tossing and turning and how she was crying her eyes out because she missed me. I’m fucking three feet away you psycho!!! In one post, she said she experimented and blogged from the living room while I slept in the bedroom. She wrote she missed me so much she started crying so loud she woke me. Yeah, I remember this night. I jumped out of bed to ask her what was wrong and she said … nothing! To make matters worse, she even recorded videos of this crap. The fuck!!! It got 74,638 views. Who the fuck are you sick people?!?! I felt so embarrassed and so self-conscious. Who wants to know they snore??? I felt used. I don’t know if it was because she had writer’s block, was overly attached, a social media addict, or just a fucking psycho, but I had to put a restraining order on her that says she has to be a lot more than 3 feet away from me.”

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Happy One Year Anniversary FY!!!

Day late. Almost two. However, I didn’t forget. I’ve written you letters for a year now. What have you learned? Are you catching up to me or are you staying behind? If it’s the former, I’ll keep writing. The latter, I’ll stop. I’m measuring your progress. I want to feel you breathing on my neck. Read and assimilate! Start from the first letter and work your way to the most recent.

I Might As Well Eat Grass

 Cj27,

Why are you so burdened with worries?

You worry everyday about whether or not I achieved the goals I set for my life. Only you know and understand that some days my life was as fun as a lazy cow grazing in an empty field. Some days I was so bored with my life, I might as well eat grass. And so, you wonder if I ever escaped the endless routine of my life – investigating complaints that I do not care about or feel the need to care about. I wish I could tell you to stop worrying. I wish I could tell you that everything is great. But I can’t. You see, our destinies are inextricably woven. My fate is tied to yours. Who I am now is dependent on the choices that you make.

I cannot tell you if everything is great or if I achieved all the things you want me to achieve at this age. You will have to see that for yourself when you get a chance to meet me. Never-the-less, I can tell you one thing that I want you to stop doing.

Image from http://leafshq.com

For heaven sakes… STOP PANICKING.

I know you feel a sense of urgency. I know you feel that your life is like an untidy room. You really want it clean but you just don’t know where to start. Stop panicking. Be still and you will hear the voice. Just start cleaning. You start to clean and in no time the room is spotless.STOP PANICKING.

Do you remember that time when you were sitting in your car at the parking lot and you saw a car reversing straight into your car? All you could hear is a voice screaming in your head. STOP! YOU ARE GOING TO HIT MY CAR. STOP! LOOK AROUND DUMBO. STOP!!! Your hands sweated, your heart pounded and still, the voice in your head screaming loudly and endlessly….Then the loud crashing sound of metal crushing into metal and the jerk that silenced the screams in your head.

The answer was so simple. Just honk your horn. However, you didn’t do that. You didn’t hear the answer because you panicked. Sometimes life is like that, the answer is simple but you will never figure it out if you panic. Be still and you will hear the voice…

Just honk your horn.

Futuristically yours,

Cj40.

Which Letter In Team Looks Like An I To You?

Dear Har-old,

American athlete Mia Hamm said, “I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.”

Progress report.

Remember when I told you after I get a good lead in letters I would bring in other future-selves. Well, I have done a poor job. I have been busy but hey I’m not using that as an excuse. My job was to have other future-selves write letters and yours was to have their young-present-self read them. Unlike me, you have done a great job. It’s only been two months and Futuristically Yours has 60 subscribers. Meanwhile, I’ve only been able to find 6 other authors.

You won’t only have my letters to look forward to. I would like to introduce FY’s newest authors AezoraJennifer and Kristen. They already have letters posted. Also, look for Shae‘s resurgence.

And I know you’re calling FOUL on my Freshly Pressed Fifty Dollar Bill move. I’ll admit you got me playing catch up so I’m trying to cheat. Haha!

Now Har-old, what I’m about to say will make you think you did all that work for nothing but here it goes …

Subscribers do NOT make Futuristically Yours. Our authors do.

Now you can say I’m cheating more when I say this, but I need you to stop spending so much time getting subscribers to help me grow our authors.

Current and prospective.

I want you the first one reading and commenting on other author’s letters.

You are wasting too much time on other blogs whose author isn’t showing FY the same love back. You know who they are. No more of this!

Let’s make our authors priority.

I will still post consistently as I have been but I will start to do it strategically so our other authors will shine. For instance, if Shae post on a Tuesday and I have a letter ready to go too, I will schedule it for Wednesday instead.

Remember: Those 48 subscribers do NOT make us. The 6 authors do.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. It’s the T. Hahaha!

Freshly Pressed Fifty Dollar Bill

Dear Har-old,

The following announcement is for all authors, current and prospective, everyone except for me.

To the youngster whose future-self writes them a letter that gets featured on Freshly Pressed, I will personally pay them $50 electronically. PayPal preferred.

Now Har-old … before you attempt to hit yourself so hard that I feel it, hear me out. I’m excluding you for a reason. It will be cheating if I wrote the Freshly Pressed letter. I created this. I know the format. The “secret ingredient.” The “magic formula.” I have the most letters on here which means practice makes prefect.

It may take one letter. 12 letters. 26 letters. The number doesn’t matter. The only number that matters is 50. The $50 that will be theirs, all theirs, IF their letter is the one that gets FY (Futuristically Yours) featured on Freshly Pressed.

I will make this letter here sticky so the flying cars that come crashing through here will see this when they roll down their windows.

There is no deadline; this is an ongoing offer.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new