This blog has 1,100 followers. After hitting the thousand subscriber milestone on my channel a few days, I quickly gained another century. My count is now at 1,112. This is 6 months versus 8 years right here.
My 8th blogiversary is coming up in May. Since the 7th I’ve been contemplating retiring this blog and moving on. Now this doesn’t mean I will stop writing because writing is a part of my identity. I’ve been creatively writing since at least 3rd grade. Two reasons why I wanted to move on. One, 7 is the number of completion and in the 7 years I’ve been on here I didn’t accomplish what I set out to do back in May 2011. Two, I wanted to avoid certain people reading my work.
One of the new features of getting a thousand subs is community posts, which acts like a blog post itself. You can post a picture and write. I’m thinking about transferring my writing there.
Happy 420!!! Here’s what I wrote last year
Warning: Only people with high iq and big pp will understand the following dankness:
I call ‘em defeated
My dogs are barking in these hush puppies
Dr. Scholl sho’ can talk to animals, said this little piggy didn’t go “wee-wee” when the tears piss bolted to the booties you’re in, the boar cried woof
Foot counting sheep, I’m sleep-walking catching Z’s
The cousin of six-feet-deep easy as A-B-C-1-2-3, when in one position long enough
That’s why the cousin of life is relocation
Even if it’s the same job, least it come with different faces
My boss don’t care if I can barely move
I want a boss that’ll send me home without a box
Now I’m on a busty bus keeping abreast of bottoms up – when they no longer sitting abreast I’m flying like a Great Tit but aww shucks I don’t have strong feet like ‘em and gotta use the poles for support
Then I heard “I’m seeing how you gotta use your hands son. Why don’t you take a seat right over there?” I wanted to bounce these checks
The 13’s, legs open, tongue out, ca-ream, but running back in these kicks isn’t a chief asset
And so the seat got taken from me like a game of musical chairs
I was listening to the 3rd song on Good Girl Gone Bad
I guess they was between “Something In The Way” and “Endless, Nameless”
Uhhh nevermind this is my stop
Caution: This is a very slow read.
I unbuttoned my shirt and showed her my taco meat
She unzipped her pants and showed me her taco meat
We both came outta our shell
The sloppy toppings: the sour cream shredded the cheese but let us get use to two’s day
Because we been use to the prefix of the day before, single and alone
And you know what was just making me borderline insane? The fuckin’ day had 24 25th hours
He who wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth lives with a plastic fork in his BFGoodrich
I’m tired of faking like I’m best friends with Benjamin Franklin
When I’m too sick to shake a doctor’s hand, not smart enough to know I’m not equal to a polymath
She told me to name my Ford after her, Alexis
Reached in her Wranglers and gave me $700 in all 20’s for some Goodyears
Became my Alexa on the road to success
Now I just don’t get from A to B
I get from A to Z
That shredded cheese is now cheesecake
How fitting for Juniors first birthday
My lil’ boo-boo gone love the bandaids on Mr. Popular
My big booboo sat on the John longer tonight, determined to have more kids to drop off at the pool
Me, I just wanna break the cycle and take the first R outta ‘farther’ (and put it in Ms.)
Too bad they sound alike, that’s why I like using ‘further’ so it’s no longer confusion this is referring to U
Family all over the same lava floor, under the same popcorn ceiling, talking about flipping houses so we can get hot sauce on our Orville Redenbacher
Shhhh … the previews are starting
Tomorrow should be a big day for my YouTube channel
You ain’t so tough
Without your boys
You ain’t said much
What’s all that noise?
I ain’t me when I’m hungry (stop snickering)
And you ain’t you when you’re with your homies
Played the dozens when you had strength in numbers
But when them eggheads was eight miles yonder
You lost control over the 1’s and 2’s when son asked you, “what you say about my mama?”
What ya say, what ya say? Un-huh, “un-un”
Went from a, my mum blew to a mumble
What happen to the W when you had double you’s? I wonder
The man in the mirror moonwalked without a stumble
The glass shattered into a puzzle
The chrome won’t give the explorer an edge over the firefox in the safari, come to
You draw a blank and hundreds of tabs puncture with punctuation
Ay, Caramba! I could rumble, punch your face in, launch your space men
Keyboard warriors with 3, 4 multiple guess why they call it account
Guess why they call it amount
I let you kids throw rocks at my truck
Don’t stop and just truck
‘Cause if I did not y’all are fucked
Won’t have a chance
It’s all downhill for you but an uphill battle for me defending this Avalanche
Like that ain’t what happen man!
I won’t ever rest, or nap again
“Say that again!”
You kittens gotta be kidding spitting how a Siberian tiger should be kicking his writtens
Hissing “It should’ve been the Sierra Altitude Edition …
because of the, you know,” mannnn listen
Pulled you aside when you got beside
Yourself, Team I
Got ya one on one, one by one where you reside
But it really be like …
One bye, two bye, three bye
These guys were seaside
To make it look like a shark attack
Their jaws were at where Jaws was at
Bruce, they called him that before I fed him arms and legs and all of that
But now it’s Bruce Bruce, small and fat
Baby Shark gone have to doo doo doo doo
all the crap on SpongeBob and Pat or breathing how large a task when singing the song in baths?
Don’t you splash free water on my rug, that’s Persian purchased with Paul Manafort money
Something you can’t afford dummy
Man avoid junkies
Pimp hand escort honeys
To the therapist for her neck massage
“Long day at the desk, corsage”
Daisy allergic to lilies
L’Oreal, Maybelline, oh what a find!
Rihanna got her own line
Foundations ain’t basic take your time
I wish you could make up your damn mind
Maybe MAC can come out with a MacBook
And you care less about your apple bottom getting fast looks
From men who gave another woman their last, Cooke
Is yours but peep, how the irony unfolds the crease
Wife found the way to your heart, not on the roads or streets
Here comes the airplane through your stomach, with more on the stove to eat
Gross indeed to think about eating groceries with a PINK label
Think stable that’s a mistake bul
Gets a no from me
Your wife is the real rare one … if you sold on Queens, hold and squeeze, and don’t let go for green, go on green … vroommmmm
YouTube update in the comments.
Do they always talk?
Do they ever listen?
Can I be happy for 5 minutes?
Please leave me alone
Go bother someone else, no, don’t
Because it makes my heart shatter
To read about McKenzie Adams
Are you mad this poem I wrote
Before your little suicide note
Please leave me alone
Don’t you see me on the phone?
Talking to a stranger about you
I know it’s the easy way out, cool
I must admit
Your kind of thinking is attractive
I think about you twice a day, you’re a habit
I wanna kick you, not the bucket
So many things I wanna do on that list, number 15,418 you will love it
Can you at least leave me alone in public?
Especially when I’m at work
I know you think I’m only saying that because I’m an introvert
I know I ain’t nobody’s daddy but Su’
I’m somebody’s son, someone’s brother, Ant and Chh uncle
He wants to live with me and play video games
But I can’t even take care of myself, oh what a shame
They say every time somebody die a child is born
I really thought about doing it on my birthday but got a text that left me torn
Of all days my niece came into the world
And I didn’t wanna rob her of that bond on her future birthdays, just yesterday your mama was my little girl
Can you hear that you suicidal maniac?
Can you leave me alone now?
All you heard was my zodiac?
If I don’t do it the cancer will attack?
Now … why you had to go and remind me of that?
If you was a person I would call you mean
If you was a person I would call you me (And!)
Remaining posts for 2018:
Pleasure Bunny (December 21st @ 9PM)
Sidewalks of New York: Part 2 (New Years Eve)