Friday The 13th | Futuristically Yours

Guide Leaf — Get up on this Nguyen Art situation. He dedicated a post to me after I asked how to draw someone walking and turning their head, and laying in leaves. Look what I did below …

Valley Stream is the closes Wal-Mart will get to the five boroughs (Queens) after more than half of the City Council were arrested at the aforementioned location, according to the other 25 members.

When Wal-Mart announced in May 2014 that they donated $3 million in 2013 to local charities like the New York Women’s Foundation and Bailey House, 26 of the 51 council members saw the donations as a scheme to gain entry into the city’s market, from which it has been blocked for more than a decade by union opposition, and sent the retail giant a cease and desist letter.

Wal-Mart replied to the letter with an invitation to shop at its nearest location, in Long Island, with the CEO, Doug McMillion, as the tour guide himself. After being rejected for six months, it was finally accepted when Wal-Mart juiced up the letter with an offer the Council couldn’t refuse. That if they weren’t totally satisfied with their shopping experience, Wal-Mart would abandon all hope and cease with their attempts of expanding into the Big Apple.

An offer too good to refuse.

The Council seemed to have picked the worse day to shop on, as the store sent all their shopping carts away to be sanitized after closing the previous night. Researchers found that 72 percent of the shopping cart handles had traces of feces on them. McMillion insisted this was a good thing, and persuaded them to use refrigerators as grocery baskets.

During checkout, a few disturbing trends were taking place. One, all 26 council members were in the same line. Two, the other 22 lanes were closed. Three, the girl checking them out just started. Four, Chin, the first member in line noticed councilman 14 and back were eating before purchase. Five, Bramer, the last member in line noticed councilman 13 and up were being handcuffed for not having enough money for their groceries. He thought this was absurd and tried to step out of line to put some of his food back when a cop jumped in his path and reminded him of Wal-Mart’s Checkout Promise. That once you are in line you are committed to purchase, and getting out of line to restock items instead of to clean the shelf is grounds for immediate arrest.

“McMillion hyped up the ‘Everyday Low Price Guarantee’ so good that every member left their wallets and purses at home. All the dough we had was the $200 gift card he had given us at the outset,” said councilman Vacca.

City investigators conclude what forced the council members to spend so much beyond their $200 limit (upwards of $1,800) was the refrigerator itself. “Grocery baskets are like suitcases. Most people don’t know how to pack them. When you’re just throwing stuff in there without care for saving space, things will spill over. And you’re going to foolishly think you have a lot. And when the clerk is double bagging candy bars, your thousand dollar grocery bill can make sense. It’s not until you get home and spread your food across the refrigerator, the pantry, and underneath the bed, that you realize just how little you have. You’re supposed to feel scammed at home. Not inside the store,” said lead detective Wayne Bruce. “McMillion knew no matter how many things the councilmen put in their refrigerator it would still seem empty because of how neatly they organized the items,” he continued.

Although, the 26 only spent an hour in jail before being bailed out by the other 25 members, the City Council, in a new scathing letter, has launched an all out war on Wal-Mart, stating, “The next time workers protest in front of Alice Walton’s home their picket signs will be Warhols, Rothkos and Pollocks.”