Happy 9th Blogiversary FY!

May The 4th Be With You

One of my favorite shirts 🤩

My YouTube Channel just surpassed this blog in followers!!!

This blog has 1,100 followers. After hitting the thousand subscriber milestone on my channel a few days, I quickly gained another century. My count is now at 1,112. This is 6 months versus 8 years right here.

My 8th blogiversary is coming up in May. Since the 7th I’ve been contemplating retiring this blog and moving on. Now this doesn’t mean I will stop writing because writing is a part of my identity. I’ve been creatively writing since at least 3rd grade. Two reasons why I wanted to move on. One, 7 is the number of completion and in the 7 years I’ve been on here I didn’t accomplish what I set out to do back in May 2011. Two, I wanted to avoid certain people reading my work.

One of the new features of getting a thousand subs is community posts, which acts like a blog post itself. You can post a picture and write. I’m thinking about transferring my writing there.

Happy 420!!! Here’s what I wrote last year

Joy Lenz (WordPresident #17)

Digging my grave with a spoon and fork
A shovel looks like a spoon
A rake looks like a fork
But this the spoon I use to stab the cereal with before eating it
This the fork I use to put 4 bullet holes in the film on the Salisbury steak to vent it
Sausage party at my tombstone
Pepperoni face at my tombstone
Cheesing hard by my tombstone
Sausage party at my tombstone
But it ain’t nothing pineapple about that because onions on my tombstone
And they ain’t cheesing hard by my tombstone
To you little caesars, call her pepperoni face one more time, you all fall like dominoes
Wash ‘em with a clean punch
Sounds like the kind of prom Papa John would Red Baron
My baby gotta be fly all around, shit
But if you make me a granddaddy before I turn 80 you forever groun…ded
Give Kunta Kinte your feet
Whip ya like JC After D
I knew I should’ve put your ass on B.C.
Ohh Lawd! Got me failing the spelling bee
I was just teaching you how to say your ABC’s
Went from being my apple head to being somebody’s apple bottom
But you cumming and not leaving is the problem
I got ‘em
I solve ‘em with solutions on a so-so loot man
I salute and ask for bigger problems only if God him got him and it comes with that So-So loot man
Money is a thang, Black accent
Money is a thing, white accent
Money is a tink, Irish accent
Depending on the denomination I sound different putting my money where my mouth is
Shout this … oh no! You have AirPods on and can’t hear me
Strangle you with my EarPods to see which will be the first to fall out near me
Fear me, keyboard warriors think they tough as leather and can get me from Curry long distance
Until I bounce and travel to where they lay up and show ‘em what a real currier is man
Flurries of hits bam
Do you even remember what I said earlier listen?
I’m bringing the beef to your front door
The crust to your backdoor
When I’m done you gone have to Dodo out your side-door
No more locked doors
I’m joking, this now a bad neighborhood
Took a L in your homes, essay in the papers sug-
-ar made him open up, swollen shut, tried to spit out the bitterness, silliness, it’s too late fam’
The walls closed in on the Kool-Aid man
Not a repeat of events what I’m saying
First the glass was everywhere
Then the red liquid is everywhere
Or!
First the glass was everywhere
Then the red liquid is everywhere
That’s two ways planned
Two-face scram
Gym and I? Outta here!

You Ain’t So Tough (WordPressident #15)

You ain’t so tough
Without your boys
You ain’t said much
What’s all that noise?
I ain’t me when I’m hungry (stop snickering)
And you ain’t you when you’re with your homies
Played the dozens when you had strength in numbers
But when them eggheads was eight miles yonder
You lost control over the 1’s and 2’s when son asked you, “what you say about my mama?”
What ya say, what ya say? Un-huh, “un-un”
Went from a, my mum blew to a mumble
What happen to the W when you had double you’s? I wonder
The man in the mirror moonwalked without a stumble
The glass shattered into a puzzle
The chrome won’t give the explorer an edge over the firefox in the safari, come to
You draw a blank and hundreds of tabs puncture with punctuation
Ay, Caramba! I could rumble, punch your face in, launch your space men
Keyboard warriors with 3, 4 multiple guess why they call it account
Guess why they call it amount
I let you kids throw rocks at my truck
Don’t stop and just truck
‘Cause if I did not y’all are fucked
Won’t have a chance
It’s all downhill for you but an uphill battle for me defending this Avalanche
Like that ain’t what happen man!
I won’t ever rest, or nap again
“Say that again!”
You kittens gotta be kidding spitting how a Siberian tiger should be kicking his writtens
Hissing “It should’ve been the Sierra Altitude Edition …
because of the, you know,” mannnn listen
Pulled you aside when you got beside
Yourself, Team I
Got ya one on one, one by one where you reside
But it really be like …
One bye, two bye, three bye
These guys were seaside
To make it look like a shark attack
Their jaws were at where Jaws was at
Bruce, they called him that before I fed him arms and legs and all of that
But now it’s Bruce Bruce, small and fat
Baby Shark gone have to doo doo doo doo
all the crap on SpongeBob and Pat or breathing how large a task when singing the song in baths?
Don’t you splash free water on my rug, that’s Persian purchased with Paul Manafort money
Something you can’t afford dummy
Man avoid junkies
Pimp hand escort honeys
To the therapist for her neck massage
“Long day at the desk, corsage”
Daisy allergic to lilies
Perfectly silly
L’Oreal, Maybelline, oh what a find!
Rihanna got her own line
Foundations ain’t basic take your time
I wish you could make up your damn mind
Maybe MAC can come out with a MacBook
And you care less about your apple bottom getting fast looks
From men who gave another woman their last, Cooke
Is yours but peep, how the irony unfolds the crease
Wife found the way to your heart, not on the roads or streets
Here comes the airplane through your stomach, with more on the stove to eat
Gross indeed to think about eating groceries with a PINK label
Think stable that’s a mistake bul
Gets a no from me
Your wife is the real rare one … if you sold on Queens, hold and squeeze, and don’t let go for green, go on green … vroommmmm

YouTube update in the comments.

Sidewalks of New York (Part Two) 🎊🌉🗽

No more trashcan bonfires for the shivering
We warming ourselves up by the torch of the Statue of Liberty …

This side of the family I don’t mess with (oooh)
But I still got everyone presents (ahhh)
All I got from them was their gift of gab (oooh)
A bunch of questions I didn’t wanna unwrap (ahhh)
People, people, people, people (everybody, everyone)
People, people, people, people, (finish him, kill me now, I’m done)
From baby coo coo to crazy coo coo
When you steal Christmas Mr. Grinch can you take me too?
It’s Christmas morning 8AM
The time looks like a snowman, 2 snowballs, wait a min
Not a creature was stirring
They spent their day out the rat race wearing
Red nose from Walgreens
Breakfast in bed, spooning coffee
Thanos I know you loving this jingle
But can you tap your feet, nod your head, anything but snap your fingers

Oooh ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Oooh ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Oooh ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Where is everybody?
There-there-there-there-there-there-dadaaaaaaaaaa

The days between Christmas and New Years Eve
My WTF days of the week
SS stands for stop swearing, cursing
Let’s get them New Years Resolutions started early

Western culture
Says if I don’t kiss at the stroke of
Midnight it will ensure a year of loneliness
Good, because I should’ve stayed home for this
I need some elbow room
I need some leg room
We neck-and-neck
These spiked walls are closing in
I’ll be dead soon
I’ll go quietly and become a part
Change the “if” with “when” in “If these walls could talk”
Can you say New York City?
What ya say?
Can you count backwards with me?
What ya say?
I need you to freeze at zero
2019 no negative nothing, vibes, energy, people
What ya say, what ya say?
What ya say, what ya say?

From the tour bus
I hear oooh, ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Is something to watch
Turn the tube off
Get some corn to pop
People, people, people, people I wanna see whose stars
Coins in the street performers food jar

Can you, and you, say New York City?!
(Downtown never looked so pretty)

Which SONY is your favorite one?

Rose Petals In The Snow (NSFC-hristmas)

Severed foot in my stocking stuffer
Santa Clause walking with a candy cane
Ol’ Saint Nick down with the swirl
Pull him up by his salt and pepper beard with cookie crumbs in it
“You got a cherry nose because you are what you eat”
Force feed him more deer meat
Now, Dasher! Oh, that made your designer belt pop!
Now, Dancer! Whoa, that made your little round belly shake like a hoe hoe hoe!
Now Prancer and Vixen! Slay slay slay!
On, Comet! Feeling a little out of this world, are we?
On, Cupid! Aww, that’s going straight to the heart!
On, Donner and Blitzen! Santa ain’t real, if I’m lying may God strike me in half
Tik-tok tik-tok
Nothing, because he’s as real as you
Leave the way you came
Oh, Santa’s gained weight and stuck in the chimney
Wait a minute!
Santa’s lost weight ‘cause of the Chronic Wasting Disease and now a chimichanga
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna … haha

Santa got stuck going down the chimney head first
Rayne, dear, I ain’t pulling your leg, but when the reindeer was pulling his leg it only made matters worse
Santa logged in and his hair caught fire
The black-and-blonde-haired-kids were cracking up and called him a ginger, the elf on the shelf replied a …
“That’s not nice” (na-na-na-na)
“That’s not nice” (un-un-un-un)
Run, run, but Santa couldn’t catch his breath and the wind lost to fire
All bent outta shape like a candy-cane about being round and quickly getting tired
He was resting on hay bale in some barn when a cow approached him
“I want to eat 2% of you” Santa roasts him
“I’m not a real Ginger, moolie”
“So, you just gone ignore the whi- This, I know, because they have better insults than that, Wendy’s Twitter account schooled me”
“Give up them cookies, punk!” “Who me?!”
“I’m a fucking man, that’s a ‘no forever’ “
“I don’t mean pussy, we don’t go together, I want them chocolate chips, I mean, WE go together
But you may wanna stay away from the other side of the barn, it’s a horse over there who likes to rap about how hung he is
But you didn’t hear that coming from my mouth or my bum, see this?
That’s where the foxes are, you know, those little skanks
Don’t walk in those regions if you ain’t gotta checking account with River Bank
If you broke, no worries, go take some dough from this old couple
But, just know, them pigs don’t like getting up from snorting they snow, and y’all too fat to tussle
You know what, fuck the struggle!
How about this hustle?
Just tell the grands you wanna make some extra Christmas money with your shovel
I’m sure they’ll love you, I’m sure, I’m sure”

Pedaling in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I see rose petals in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
Hopeless romantic hopeful (go-go-go-go-go-go)
Follow your heart, un-huh, follow-follow your heart
The last petal in the snow, un-un-un-un, is loves me not (no-no-no-no-no-no)
Now it’s more red in the snow (more red, more-more-more red)
Bloody Merry Christmas
Or should I say Bloody Mary EXmas? (whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa)

• Work in Progress: Sidewalks of New York (Part 2)

• Check the comment section an hour after this post publishes for a big YouTube update (if you care about my journey)

Mama You Can Do It

Sitting on the kitchen floor in my panties and tee its 3:54 in the morning
Eating ice cream with the refrigerator door halfway open
I’m hoping my daughter don’t walk-in on me rummaging through the trash, no, no, no
Rum age? What I’m looking for is 2 days old
Wednesday and Thursday marked out on the calendar but so
I’m about to lose this game of tic tac toe, oh ohhhhhh

Mama you can do it
Please just go back to bed
Before you end up puking
I’ll hold your hair if it comes to it
And if you must sleep by the toilet
Little spoon will hug you from the back
You can tuck me in again when you’re sober
No, you can’t come in my friend, mama said no hangovers

Dad, I know what you are thinking
But this time mama wasn’t drinking
She swerved to avoid hitting a wolf
I wish she did after what it did to little red riding hood
We spared its life
Least it could do is stop these pigs from treating my mama like a kid, saying ABC’s, walking in a straight line

Mama you can do it, do it, do it, do it